As a psychodynamic relational therapist, I often find myself navigating the intricate web of human emotions, motivations, and relationships. Today, let’s delve into the fascinating terrain of authenticity—a concept that lies at the heart of our psychological well-being.
Authenticity Defined
Authenticity is more than a buzzword; it’s a fundamental aspect of our existence. But what does it truly mean to be authentic? In the words of existentialist philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre, authenticity is about freedom and living a meaningful life. It’s not merely about being true to ourselves; it’s about knowing and owning who we are1.
Imagine authenticity as a mirror reflecting our inner landscape—the raw, unfiltered truth of our being. It’s the courage to face our imperfections, vulnerabilities, and shadowy corners. Authenticity isn’t a static state; it’s a dynamic dance between self-awareness and self-expression the parts we like and do not like.
The Uncomfortable Truth
Now, let’s confront the paradox: authenticity isn’t always comfortable. There are parts of us—those murky depths—that we’d rather keep hidden. Our flaws, insecurities, and unhealed wounds lurk there. But authenticity beckons us to explore these shadow-lands.
As humans, we’re inherently flawed. We stumble, we falter, and we harbour contradictions. Imagine meeting someone who has achieved true authenticity—a person who embodies their essence without pretence. Sounds appealing, right? But here’s the twist: such a person might be unbearable to be around.
The Zen Dilemma
Consider the Zen master who meditates atop a mist-shrouded mountain. Their authenticity radiates like a beacon. They’ve embraced their imperfections, transcended ego, and found inner peace. Yet, if we were to spend a day with this enlightened sage, we might discover that their authenticity is a double-edged sword.
- Radical Honesty: The Zen master speaks their truth, unfiltered. They call out hypocrisy, challenge societal norms, and expose our illusions. Their authenticity can feel like a piercing light, illuminating our own masks and defenses.
- Intolerant Compassion: The Zen master’s compassion is fierce. They won’t coddle our egos or sugarcoat reality. Their authenticity demands growth, even if it bruises our fragile self-images.
- Unyielding Presence: Imagine sitting across from the Zen master, their gaze unwavering. They see through our facades, dissect our defenses, and hold us accountable. Authenticity, in their eyes, leaves no room for evasion.
The Relational Lens
As a psychodynamic therapist, I view authenticity through the relational lens2. Our authenticity unfolds within connections—with ourselves and others. Here’s how we grapple with it:
- Self-Reflection: We explore our inner narratives, childhood wounds, and unconscious patterns. Authenticity begins with self-acceptance, acknowledging both light and shadow. So much of our psyche is unknown to us or behind closed doors. Reflection opens up more within us and when properly contained leads to a fuller understanding of self.
- Relational Authenticity: In relationships, we navigate vulnerability. We reveal our fears, desires, and messy emotions. Authenticity invites us to say, “I’m flawed, and so are you.” I invite you to gather every perfect person in the world in the same room, and I would argue that room would be empty! And i’ll see you at the imperfect after party.
- Holding Space: As therapists, we create safe spaces for authenticity. We witness clients’ struggles, validate their pain, and gently guide them toward self-discovery. The therapeutic space is a co-creation, where conscious and unconscious processes will emerge.
Embracing the Paradox
So, can we be both authentic and bearable? Perhaps. Authenticity doesn’t mean bulldozing over others with our unvarnished truth. It’s about compassionate authenticity—a delicate balance between self-revelation and empathy. Recognise that our trials and tribulations are unique and part of ourselves, and ridding us of any flaws is to rid us of an element of our humanity.
Remember, authenticity isn’t a destination; it’s a journey. We stumble, we learn, and we evolve. And maybe, just maybe, the Zen master on the mountaintop would share a cup of tea with us, flaws and all. We would accept him in all their perfection – imperfectly perfect. Complete but missing. Existing but sterile from life’s spice.
In the end, authenticity isn’t about perfection; it’s about wholeness (the ‘good and the ‘bad’)3. Embrace your jagged edges, honour your scars, and know that being real—even when it’s uncomfortable—leads to a richer, more authentic life. And let’s allow the therapeutic space to enable steps along that journey for the better.
Authenticity isn’t a polished gem; it’s the rugged diamond that reflects our humanity.
References:
- Wood, J. K. (2008). Carl Rogers’ person-centered approach : toward an understanding of its implications. PCCS.
- Kuchuck, S. (2021). The relational revolution in psychoanalysis and psychotherapy. Confer Books.
- Rogers, C. R. (Carl R. (1995). A way of being. Houghton Mifflin Co.
Daniel James Psychology 